Joke for today

Talk about anything that doesn't relate to other sections here. Play nicely :)

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johnr
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Re: Joke for today

Unread post by johnr » Wed Oct 04, 2017 10:47 pm

elvis presley is climbing out of his swimming pool for the 20th time that day. priscilla looks at him confused and asks him what is wrong with him. elvis replied, 'i just cant help falling in love,,,,,,,,'

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Hooli
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Re: Joke for today

Unread post by Hooli » Wed Oct 04, 2017 10:50 pm

FFS, groan!
Classics ain't built in Metric

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Hooli
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Re: Joke for today

Unread post by Hooli » Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:34 pm

I said to the lass already at the bus stop 'when's it due?'

She replied 'I'm not pregnant you cheeky shit'

I said 'I meant the bus you stupid fat bitch'
Classics ain't built in Metric

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mervin
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Location: the dark side of dartmoor

Re: Joke for today

Unread post by mervin » Fri Feb 16, 2018 10:25 pm

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop.
He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Wasp Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”
“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”
"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.
He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”
The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Wasp Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track.
Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds."The expert throws off the headphones and is fuming with rage.
"This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"
The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.
"What seems to be the problem, sir?"
"This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"
The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.
"I'm terribly sorry, sir. ---------------------:
It appears we've been playing you the bee side."
classic japbikefest 2 http://www.vjmc.com/japbikefest/

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