Joke for today

Talk about anything that doesn't relate to other sections here. Play nicely :)

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steve
Posts: 123
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 7:41 pm
Location: Black Isle , Highlands of Scotland
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Joke for today

Unread post by steve » Wed Feb 25, 2009 5:43 pm

For those of you who cannot speak the language.......tough!!


After having their 11th child (Chelsey Paris Britney
McGuffy), a Glasgow couple decided that was enough because
they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to
his GP and told him that he and his missus didn't want
to have any more children (Wur no wantin ony mair weans, so wur no).

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a
vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was
expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the
doctor, 'is to go home, get a firework, put it in an
empty beer can, light it then hold the can up to your ear
and count to 10..

The husband said to the doctor, 'Ah might no be the
sharpest chisel in the shed, but ah cannae see how pittin a
firework in a beer caun next to my ear is gonnae help me no
tae huv ony mair weans.'

Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the couple went home, the husband lit a banger and put
it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to
count: '1' '2' '3' '4' '5' ..... at which point he paused, placed the beer
can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure is now available on the NHS and has proved to be
successful in Govan, Clydebank, Paisley , and some parts of Coatbridge,
Livingston and Bathgate..

The Mighty Gusset

Re: Joke for today

Unread post by The Mighty Gusset » Wed Feb 25, 2009 5:57 pm

Joke or Social Commentary ?
Discuss.

here's my contribution:

I couldn't find the Thingy that turns the TV over today, so I asked one of the kids if they'd seen it.

They said she left me yesterday.

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peppy
Posts: 342
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 8:33 pm
Location: barnsley

Re: Joke for today

Unread post by peppy » Wed Feb 25, 2009 9:41 pm

The Mighty Gusset wrote:I couldn't find the Thingy that turns the TV over today, so I asked one of the kids if they'd seen it.

They said she left me yesterday.


lol i like it

reminds me of that bloke down our street that had his housemade backwards so he could watch the telly

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steve
Posts: 123
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 7:41 pm
Location: Black Isle , Highlands of Scotland
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Re: Joke for today

Unread post by steve » Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:33 pm

These workmen are installing bollards to stop nurses from parking on the pavement outside the Aberdeen Royal Infirmary .

They are cleaning up at the end of the day.

How long do you think it will be before they realize that they can't go home?

This is a real photograph..!


Image

/rockedit: Busted link replaced

The Mighty Gusset

Re: Joke for today

Unread post by The Mighty Gusset » Thu Feb 26, 2009 5:31 pm

steve wrote:This is a real photograph..!


That is a broken link !

I've got it somewhere - if I can find it I'll sort things out ! (Done !)

In the meantime, I was in the pub earlier, and the local vicar was in, having a pint and a general chinwag with the regulars.
Inevitably the conversation got around to what folks had given up for Lent.
Unable to resist, I offered my contribution :

"I've given up searching my belly button for Lint !"

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Hunter
Posts: 203
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 7:57 pm
Location: South Lincs

Re: Joke for today

Unread post by Hunter » Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:54 pm

Alfie Patten has applied to join "Fathers for justice",he says he already has the Spiderman outfit.

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ClassicMcNut
Wise Font Of All Bantam Knowledge
Posts: 2124
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 1:10 am

Re: Joke for today

Unread post by ClassicMcNut » Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:24 pm

Hunter wrote:Alfie Patten has applied to join "Fathers for justice",he says he already has the Spiderman outfit.


Image Love it Hunter
Do unto others before they do unto you. A wise man learns by other's mistakes a fool by his own

The Mighty Gusset

Re: Joke for today

Unread post by The Mighty Gusset » Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:35 pm

I had to Google to find out who Alfie Patten is !

I don't take much notice of Tabloid news.

The Mighty Gusset

Re: Joke for today

Unread post by The Mighty Gusset » Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:41 pm

What's (.....buffering 21%) the (.....buffering 45%) best way (.....buffering 69%) to lose (.....buffering 86%) a (.....buffering 21%) hard-on?

The Mighty Gusset

Re: Joke for today

Unread post by The Mighty Gusset » Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:46 pm

Two Eggs boiling in a saucepan.
One says to the other :
" I've got a big crack !"
The other one says :
" Stop teasing , I'm not hard yet ".

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